Sunday, June 26, 2011

Things You Should Know About The South,….

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

  • The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
    The South has 'mater sammiches.

  • The North has coffee houses,
    The South has Waffle Houses.

  • The North has double last names,
    The South has double first names.

  • The North has an ambulance,
    The South has an amalance.

  • The North has Indy car races,
    The South has Nascar races.

  • The North has Cream of Wheat,
    The South has grits.

  • The North has green salads,
    The South has collard greens. turnip greens, mustard greens.

  • The North has lobsters,
    The South has crawdads.

  • The North has the Rust belt,
    The South has the Bible belt.

  • If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

  • Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

  • Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

  • Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

  • Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

  • The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern- influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

  • The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

  • Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

  • If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

  • If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

    Toilet paper, milk, bread are must have items. Enough to last a month.
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  • When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

  • Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

  • In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

  • When you see a funeral procession, pull off the road. Trying to pass or keeping on going is unacceptable.

  • If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

  • Florida isn’t a Southern state. It is more like a third world country.

  • College football is a religion.

2 comments:

  1. hahaha! Kittens aren't biscuits is my favorite one!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Hey, ya'll watch this." That's what my dad said when he grabbed the electric fence and held on till his work boots sparkled.

    ReplyDelete