Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Nadine Sez Lets Talk

Well, it has almost been a year for this blog. I would have never dreamed it would have had over 20,000 hits much less followers. I'm not even sure why I started this but it just kind of happened. Much of the success can be linked to Shoalanda Speaks who listed this blog on her page. And soon I added a few blogs and they added me and the cycle began. Be sure to view those blogs on the right because they are some great reads and have some beautiful pictures as well.
I am pleased to introduce a guest blogger, Miz Nadine Nozbedder, who may from time to time post or rant or give advice on a certain subject. So without further ado, here is Miz Nozbedder's view on driving in the Shoals.

When my friend OB suggested I do a guest blog giving my opinion of driving in the Shoals, I thought “Nah.” But after a few moments I thought, “Why Not?”
So here goes….

I have been driving for, let’s just say a while now. I live on one side of the river and work on the other. I have approximately 15 miles of driving everyday to get back and forth to work. I did not realize until recently that I could scream and yell so many colorful words in that short of a distance! (Road Rage? Maybe) I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than to make the drive, due to abundance of ignorant, foolish drivers.
I have listed those I find the most offensive, some I’m sure you’ll recognize.
The Speeder... first let me start by saying that a posted speed limit is NOT a suggestion people! The posted speed limit is 55mph on the Patton Island (Singing River) bridge. I say the average guy or gal does between 55-60 mph; normal, right? Then there’s the person who comes flying by at 70 plus miles per hour to go….nowhere? As I see them go by, I am silently and fervently praying they have a blowout! (No physical injury, just a good scare).

The One Who Must Text.....  You’ve seen them driving in the middle lane, both hands on the wheel (maybe) and their phone between them frantically texting. What can possibly be that important? You’re willing to risk not only your life, but mine as you weave further into my lane because your stupid A** isn’t paying attention to the road! And God forbid I give a quick” beep” with my horn to bring you back to reality, I always get the “One finger salute.” Well right back at cha!
The Uninsured Driver..... That’s the one that drives in the left hand lane 10 miles an hour BELOW the speed limit, because they’re going to have to make a left hand turn 40 miles down the road. This car looks like it hasn’t been insured since 1970. It has no side or rear view mirror, no visible tag, and the bumper fell off years ago! The only thing holding it together is dirt and rust. You drive behind or beside them in constant fear, they will slam on their brakes, and you ‘ll either hit them in the rear-end or they’ll slide into you to collect insurance money.

The “Makeup Artist”..... you know her too. The one that steers the car with her knee, doing 60 in a 45, putting on her mascara and lipstick in the rear view mirror, while talking on her cell phone. I find myself secretly fantasizing that she gets a lip-gloss wand shoved up her nose, to teach her a lesson! (sorry) She weaves in and out of her on lane, and if somebody gives a little “Beep”….you guessed THEY get the finger! Like they have interrupted some sacred ritual!

The I Don’t have to work Driver- (My Favorite)..... they also prefer the left hand lane. They are the ones that have retired or choose to no longer work. All of they’re fishing gear loaded into the boat they’re pulling behind their truck or SUV. They are in no hurry and don’t give a rat’s BUTT if you are. They stop in the middle of the four lanes to carry on a conversation with the vehicle next to them (also pulling a boat), not caring if the light turned green a minute and a half ago. Another quick “Beep”, gets you the one finger salute from a middle-aged man in a fishing hat and overalls as he spits out his truck window. These are the same ones that feel the need to pull their boat EVERYWHERE!! The mall parking lot, the grocery store, Wal-Mart, Fast Food Drive thru, and church!

And for the Love of all things Holy!!... Does anybody know what a MERGE lane is?????? Jeez!
So infuriating to be sitting behind somebody that let’s 50 cars go in the left lane while they are SITTING and waiting to get into the RIGHT Lane!! (at this point I’m screaming “GO You IDIOT”)

Turn signals are apparently optional now also. I am just supposed to somehow KNOW that you’re going to stop 3 miles down the road, so you can make a u-turn and go back to McDonalds?????? And if for some reason, I don’t figure it out, and get a little too close to your bumper because you went from 55 to 10mph in less than 60 seconds?? Yep. I get the finger again!!

Though I don’t give out “The Finger”, I am ashamed to admit that I have used so much Violent and colorful language in that 15 miles, I could make a Sailor Blush!! By the time I reach home I am in need of a drink and a nap!! Guess Ron White is right when he says, “You can’t fix Stupid”
Drive Safe out There!!

Miz Nadine Nozbedder

1 comment:

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