Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.
The older I get, the better I used to be.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
99% of the putts that are short don't go in the hole’
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic..
His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing..
Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.
My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.
It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on.
No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.
If Jack Nicklaus had to play my tee shots, he couldn't break 80. He'd be a pharmacist with a string of drugstores in Ohio.